It has been two years since I last spoke to any one I knew but not close to. I have no idea why but I feel comfortable living my current lifestyle though it's not normal. I feel very much alive when I'm awake when night falls, dead when sun rise yet I keep walking, juggling both life like a living dead.
Few days back a cab came out of nowhere and knock me, the moment I saw the cab coming towards me, I felt relieve, I saw death yet I felt relieve. Surprisingly I survived without a single scratch when the cab hit me so hard that threw me off ground and fell a few feet from where I was standing. I have no idea why, but it happened. All I feel after the accident was nothing, I don't feel pain though there are bruises on my legs; I'm happy that I found it, I'm happy that I saw it, and I'm happy it came looking for me though it missed me for the second time in my life - Death, you tried twice yet you missed me over and over again, what a lousy player you are.
Sometimes I have no idea why I get depressed; it just came and go, leaving no trace nor hints for me to follow. I have no idea why people keep telling me to do this and that, to be this and that, to follow this and that path, walk after so and so and set whoever it is as example. I'm sick of all these, I had enough but what can I do? I feel so helpless, I have no idea what I want in my life or for my life. Studying law may or may not be my ideal course, but what else can I do without a proper qualification, or worse what will become of me in the future? I don't know, I can no longer see my own future though sometimes I foresee things in my dream, things that no one could understand until they happen in the future.
I'm not a witch nor a seer, I never asked for all these yet dreams just pop in my head when I'm asleep and show me part of my future. When I was a kid I used to take it as a gift, being able to foresee one's own future might be something useful but not for me. I use to enjoy sleeping at night until years ago I found out as long as I sleep during daytime I would not only set my mind free but emotionally stable until now I've lost the touch of future and I regretted. How I wish I can just take a peep into my own future and find out what I'm suppose to do, who can I trust and which is the right path.
I met this girl when I was doing a level, we were in the same class and somehow same group for some group work. The very first time I saw her I was shocked, her personality is like the photocopy version of a friend of mine, a long lost friend whom I lost contact long time ago; then I realise she's might sound the same, looks the same but she can never be the same person who was my best friend. 17 years of friendship ended over jealousy, that is ridiculous yet it happened. What else can possibly go wrong with the world? Yes, anything, it can be so ridiculous that others might think you're mad, but it happens. I made new friend, get kinda close, but I doubted the value of her friendship over some stupid advices and I cast her aside. Call me stupid, yes I am and I'm not sorry for it 'cuz sorry can't change anything from the past! I can't change things from the past but I knew I should do something to change what I have now which will affect the future but I didn't. I allowed time to slip away then only I realise I've lost so much in my life that I can't do anything to save it anymore. I'm slipping away, I'm no longer the very same person who can set all odds aside and create miracles, made the impossibles to possibles, grab hold of tiny chance and surprise everyone. I'm just not the same anymore, I've lost myself, my faith, my will to fight against all odd, I fight for what I used to believe in - opportunities were created not given. That was the past, when I left that place with a heart stung by hurtful words, I died. I'm no longer the legend, I'm just an ordinary person right now, the person who failed a level once and barely get a pass to enter LLB programme.
I indulged myself with alcohol, spent all my financial sources for drinks. I have fall so low, so low that I don't know what I am or who I am. I can't feel the inner peace that I used to have, things just don't work as I planned no matter how hard I tried I just can't get what I wanted. I feel so helpless, so lost. I don't know what I am and I don't know that I want. I'm just so lost.
Few days back a cab came out of nowhere and knock me, the moment I saw the cab coming towards me, I felt relieve, I saw death yet I felt relieve. Surprisingly I survived without a single scratch when the cab hit me so hard that threw me off ground and fell a few feet from where I was standing. I have no idea why, but it happened. All I feel after the accident was nothing, I don't feel pain though there are bruises on my legs; I'm happy that I found it, I'm happy that I saw it, and I'm happy it came looking for me though it missed me for the second time in my life - Death, you tried twice yet you missed me over and over again, what a lousy player you are.
Sometimes I have no idea why I get depressed; it just came and go, leaving no trace nor hints for me to follow. I have no idea why people keep telling me to do this and that, to be this and that, to follow this and that path, walk after so and so and set whoever it is as example. I'm sick of all these, I had enough but what can I do? I feel so helpless, I have no idea what I want in my life or for my life. Studying law may or may not be my ideal course, but what else can I do without a proper qualification, or worse what will become of me in the future? I don't know, I can no longer see my own future though sometimes I foresee things in my dream, things that no one could understand until they happen in the future.
I'm not a witch nor a seer, I never asked for all these yet dreams just pop in my head when I'm asleep and show me part of my future. When I was a kid I used to take it as a gift, being able to foresee one's own future might be something useful but not for me. I use to enjoy sleeping at night until years ago I found out as long as I sleep during daytime I would not only set my mind free but emotionally stable until now I've lost the touch of future and I regretted. How I wish I can just take a peep into my own future and find out what I'm suppose to do, who can I trust and which is the right path.
I met this girl when I was doing a level, we were in the same class and somehow same group for some group work. The very first time I saw her I was shocked, her personality is like the photocopy version of a friend of mine, a long lost friend whom I lost contact long time ago; then I realise she's might sound the same, looks the same but she can never be the same person who was my best friend. 17 years of friendship ended over jealousy, that is ridiculous yet it happened. What else can possibly go wrong with the world? Yes, anything, it can be so ridiculous that others might think you're mad, but it happens. I made new friend, get kinda close, but I doubted the value of her friendship over some stupid advices and I cast her aside. Call me stupid, yes I am and I'm not sorry for it 'cuz sorry can't change anything from the past! I can't change things from the past but I knew I should do something to change what I have now which will affect the future but I didn't. I allowed time to slip away then only I realise I've lost so much in my life that I can't do anything to save it anymore. I'm slipping away, I'm no longer the very same person who can set all odds aside and create miracles, made the impossibles to possibles, grab hold of tiny chance and surprise everyone. I'm just not the same anymore, I've lost myself, my faith, my will to fight against all odd, I fight for what I used to believe in - opportunities were created not given. That was the past, when I left that place with a heart stung by hurtful words, I died. I'm no longer the legend, I'm just an ordinary person right now, the person who failed a level once and barely get a pass to enter LLB programme.
I indulged myself with alcohol, spent all my financial sources for drinks. I have fall so low, so low that I don't know what I am or who I am. I can't feel the inner peace that I used to have, things just don't work as I planned no matter how hard I tried I just can't get what I wanted. I feel so helpless, so lost. I don't know what I am and I don't know that I want. I'm just so lost.
这条虫好灰呀！而且虫喝酒会不会很难蜕变为蝴蝶？
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