Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Of life

两小时的睡眠;如果你问我一天都够不够,(以前的)我会说:”一点都不够”,(现在的)我会说:“不够,担有得睡总好过没得睡”。不知道从几时开始睡觉变成了一种奢华,也不懂得从几时开始睡眠在我眼中与金钱相比,睡眠会比金钱重要。

现在的生活,平均一个星期内有就有两到三天没得睡,或者准确来说那三天里平均可以睡的时间是六小时。我不知道时间是怎么从我身边溜走道,只是知道时间越来越不够用,为了完成更多的事物、得到更多的资讯,时间变成了我的筹码,而我却变成了赌徒-生命的赌徒。

Everyday I would hear people telling me to study hard for a better future, be a successful person, but then who doesn't want to be "successful"? But who is tell us what "successful" is? And who is to classify whether we are successful or not??

People keep telling us when we were just kids back then to study hard, study is everything, it determines where we stand in the future, whether we can earn a proper living or not. Parents and teachers kept nagging us in studying hard, be a smart person, be a successful one, so that someday later we may live a proper or even luxury lifestyle. But then people tend to forget one point, WHAT IS "SUCCESS"?

Just because the world things being successful is to have either money, status, influential or all three of them doesn't mean it is the fact and every single person will have to head for it. What about us? The desire buried deep inside, the very little dream we use to held during our childhood, the little things that keep one happy or maybe satisfactory. YES, the QUALITY OF LIFE. What about it?

How many of us can actually remember when is the very last time we spent hours chit chatting with our family without involving the overly concern of anyone towards our academic achievements? When was the last time we ever feel happy by just having a relaxing walk in the field or perhaps fly a kite ( literally)? WHEN??! * Guess those memories slipped through our mind huh?*

I don't know why I feel so depressed over my life, perhaps it is the pressure or perhaps it is the environment but it doesn't matter. I was happy, or at least I did enjoy my involvement in some social welfare activities back in school days and those days were awesome ( set aside the scoldings I would get form my dad for joining the activities). Now that I'm still alive, but I can't feel it, I don't see life the way it was, and this life was never meant for me, not at all.

I doubted myself. Standing before strangers, I doubted myself. Presentation was never a dreadful task until now. I feared, but it wasn't the crowd, it is me. I have no idea what I'm suppose to do, I have no idea what have became of me throughout the past 2 years, and now here I am. People who knew me but never meet me recently will never believe what have become of me;people who know me without meeting me in my previous lifestyle will never believe that was me. One can never lead before knowing how to follow, but one who lead then follow will either be a better leader or lost the charisma to lead. That is the tragedy of life.what have become of me? Where is my courage? How things changed my life? I have no idea. All I knew was the fear that hit me so badly today will probably be the end of my life as a monarch, turning me a slave, a slave of myself.

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