Monday, April 12, 2010

Words

Of everyone else, why must you pick on me?

Ever since I came to this place, I started doing things I don't have to do at home. From washing the plates, mopping the floor, taking care of the garden, carry shopping bags/laundry bags/ whatever bags, bring out the garbage and pay the bills... no matter how hard I tried to please you, all you ever do is to pick those little imperfections from everything I did. WHY?? Your sons can get away from everything, and I, gets the blames. Is this what you call "JUST" and "FAIR"??

Why must you pick on me most of the time? Am I so hideous that you don't see the reason for not doing so to hurt me? Words uttered, may seem to be mere words, but the impact of those words is so great that perhaps you don't even realise those words of yours wounded me, pierce through my heart like a spear, and all I can do is to keep my silent cries within my room, beneath my blankets. Why?

Am I not entitle to my share of love and affection from you? Don't I deserve that little bit of recognition from you? My life would be much more interesting and meaningful if you could be a little supportive and say something encouraging when I achieve something, some form of success; instead you threw hard, cold words at me, telling me to give up. For four years, four friggin years I strive hard to achieve something, if it is not academically, then my personal and social interest, and yes I manage to achieve a little success, be one of the most influential student in that town, and most importantly, people ( mark my words: PEOPLE, not only from my generations, but also those from both older and younger generations - parents, teachers, kids...), they admired my achievements, they cheered for me, they look upon me, they called for my names. All these, I worked so hard to achieve it, hoping to get some form of compliment from you, be it a simple smile, or maybe some form of encouraging words, but none, nothing. Instead, you told me off, telling me how disgusted you were with my achievements, how disappointing you were toward me. Why?

For years I had always wanted to come home, back to this place and to you, I missed you so badly over the years, hoping that we are able to catch up with the time and things we missed out over the years, but... What went wrong? Why?

I am also a human, I have feelings too. There's a limit to everyone's patience, and there's is a limit to everything, so does to every single words. You criticized me, I accepted the facts, yes it is my fault for the imperfections and I do agree that I should work on something to improve things, but then you always went over the limit, throwing words right at me. Mind you, words can be a poison as well as an antidote; most of the time, they are like thorns, they sting, as painful as it can be, poison seep through the open wounds...

I have had hated this family for year, don't make it worse. Of flesh and blood, there is nothing much left to tie us together, don't break that little vase in my heart where I store all my faith for my family, and for you.

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